My daughter (4) who’s very fond of my new husband: “Are you going to divorce him?”
Me: “Of course not, why do you ask?”
My daughter: Because I would never find another mother as nice as you!
My daughter (7) asks my son (4) if he would prefer to live with Mommy or with Daddy if we were to divorce. His answer: Neither. I would go live with Grandpa and Grandma, to punish them.
My younger girl was born prematurely and had to stay in an incubator for two months. I regularly took my older girl, age 21/2, to visit her.
Time passed, and my younger finally joined us home. A few days after her arrival, my older one announced: Mommy, it’s enough, I think we can put her back in her box now.
You told me babies are made when parents get married. Does that mean Jane and John got married three times???!
— NKL, 7, talking about parents of three.
I hear my sons (6 and 9) fighting pretty loudly, so I decide to check on them. As I reach the hallway, the older bursts out of their room and cries (talking about his brother): Dad, he’s ruining my childhood!
Lucas, 8 years old, is sad because both his parents have to leave on a business trip. He’s crying. His little sister, Taïs, 6, tells him: Lucas, Papa and Mama not home means we have more presents when they come back!
When I called home one day, my six-year-old son answered the phone. “Hello,” he said, panting a little. I said, “Hi, Nick. Wow, you sound out of breath.” He replied: No, I have more.
A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in. At last she said: I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!
They didn’t see it — it was all cut off!
— 2-year-old son, when his mother was asked how his grandparents liked his new haircut.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to “honor” thy Father and thy Mother, she asked: “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat, one little boy answered: Thou shall not kill.
Daddy, did your hair slip?
— 3-year-old son, to his bald but long-bearded father.
